3 posts tagged “mom”
me: mother!
me: mother, may i sleep with danger?
me: this is an important question that the lifetime movie network feels i should be asking you
me: mother why will you not answer this question! i need to know what to tell lifetime television for women
mom: hi
me: mom are you watching keith olbermann
mom: sorry
me: hehe
me: answer my question, mother may i sleep with danger?
mom: depends on how good he is
mom: not watching olbermann
me: nice
mom: what is he doing?
me: ah he's been on lately
me: i mean on like he is ON!
me: on his GAME
mom: OBAMA ON?
mom: or smashing the Bush
mom: Cheney
me: he's smashing the bush
me: barack obama is my friend on twitter, which is a social networking site on which i give no personal information about myself except that i love top chef.
me: i don't even use my real name
me: but anyway, friends with barack obama. totally rad.
mom: running with the right crowd
Well, it's time I wrote something of substance here. This week, I've been low-key -- Pineapple was in Boston and M's brother was visiting, so she spent a lot of time with her family on the farm, and I've been moping about my car. K-Jo came over a few times to cheer both of us up (she's bummed about a research job) and it worked, I thought -- particularily as we perfected the Mayor walk. Also, it's been unpleasantly hot and humid. I had to get up early each morning for training, so in general I was a little tired. But now, my work schedule changes and I can wake up at a more palatable hour.
Anyway, I've snapped out of my moping about my car. At least she met an eventful end. My story has reached the vestiges of my family and come back to me with exciting variations (my favorite being when my cousin called me to say that his mom told him that I was practically swept down the Mississippi). Compared to that, my actual story is kinda tame: I was driving (slowly because of the torrential downpour) and the waterlevel on the road rose in a matter of seconds from "puddle" to "Lake Superior." I momentarily lost control of my car -- my engine stopped -- and then my car found ground again. After two minutes, two of my (female) coworkers stopped and helped me push my car up an embankment, since it was still sitting in about three feet of water.
As we were doing this, I'd like to note that all the macho guys who we've caught ogling us in turn only drove by gaping at us as three "weak" women pushed my boat of a car along the road. So much for chivalry! My feminism has only strengthened from this experience -- next time a man complains that my breed won't "let" him be chivalrous, I'll remind him that it's not about "letting" anyone do anything, it's about being decent when the situation calls for it. The girls who helped me -- one is an epileptic and the other has a bad limp from when her foot was crushed in a bad car accident two years ago. But they stopped and helped me and now I have at least two friends at work. .
What else? Well, after the accident, my parents came with the Honda (and my sweet and wonderful Maggie-dog, who cheered me right up). Pineapple made turkey burgers and I made hummus, and we treated it like a real visit. My parents are wonderful about everything -- I have use of the Honda indefinitely, though I plan to have my own car by October. By then, I'll be off the "new-hire" probation for both Kaplan and the Guide and I'll be in a more solid position. I plan on using the same insurance agent, mostly because Progressive was totally awesome through the whole procedure and gave me more for the total than I expected, but also in part because my insurance agent turned out to be a lot younger and cuter than I expected. When he told me to call him when I got a new car, I thought, "Maybe you'll hear from me SOONER." Rarr.
Well, more to come. I want to upload pics from my up-north trip and tell tales about that -- it was a really fun weekend. But for now, I must lunch and retrieve Pineapple from the airport.
This is pretty much true. My mom is awesome, and anyone who says otherwise is itching for a punch in the face. It's in fact true that I was given the super double awesome gift of two awesome parents, but it's Mother's day so she gets the high praise today.
Facts about my mom:
1) She will take in any of my friends and treat them like they are her own children. All of my friends have informed me that they love my mom. Some insinuate that they like her better than they like me.
2) Every decent dog in the world loves my mom. You think I make this up? It's true. Anywhere she goes, if there is a dog and it knows what's good for it, it walks up to her with a wagging tail and pays homage to her. She, of course, shows this dog favor with a pat on the head and a "Good dog!"
3) My mom knows how to use instant messenger, even if she is a bit too fond of emoticons. :-)
4) My mom can diagnose and heal people over the phone. This is very advantageous for someone like me who injures herself a lot and doesn't like to go to the doctor.
5) My mom makes such good bread that, to me, the "Wonder" in "Wonder Bread" stands for "I wonder why anyone would eat this crap when they could eat my mom's bread."
6) My mom has been on the same plane with the Stanley Cup.
7) My mom is not only smarter than the average bear, she's capable of defeating an above-average bear in hand-to-hand combat.
8) My mom has a sixth sense about the location of car keys, missing shoes, and Josh Groban.
9) If burglars ever came into her house, my mom would ask them if she should heat up some left over bbq beef for sandwiches, because aren't they a little hungry? and would they like milk or diet coke or, you know what, she just made some iced tea and, you know what, while they're eating that, she'll just whip up a batch of rice krispie bars and anyway the point is they'd probably forget to rob the place.
10) My mom taught me everything I know that's worth knowing. She also took me to my first male strip show.
THOSE ARE FACTS. They are all true because my mom rocks.
