johnny was bad even as a child everyone could tell

I know I mostly present my kids as quirky, fun and insightful characters -- and for the most part they are.  But I downplay the fact that I deal with some shitheads, and I tend to assume that because MOST children are normal, ALL children are normal. I'm just saying, while you're out there looking for positives you will occasionally fail to realize that one of these kids will betray your trust and hand you a "joke" electro-shock pen that jolts the FUCK out of your hand and is probably more dangerous than a Swiss Army knife. 

What do you do in this situation?  You confiscate the thing, haul the kid's ass down to the principal's office, is what.  And you feel fucking awful that you had to do it, when you look at his somewhat frightened eyes, but so wildly justified in your actions because what the HELL did he expect you'd do?  Laugh it off? 

"It doesn't shock that much!" he protested, and I was like, kid, I've been struck by lightning and I've touched a metal doorhandle in winter, and it was closer to the former than the latter.  That's not a prank buzzer and MY HAND IS STILL SORE!  And when the principal called his mom, well, it became apparent that this was already A Matter Of Discussion At Home, re: I Thought I Told You To Not Take THAT To School.

So he got suspended.

The rest of the kids I worked with that day wondered why I was a little more crabby than usual.